Post by BadWolf on Feb 6, 2016 0:07:19 GMT
The lights were off. But I still could see them. The shadows… waiting, trying, wanting.. The room was silent. But I still could hear them. The screams… hurting, burning, dying..
I can only sit here, in the corner. The darkness: the only thing that keep me sane. Well… let me rephrase… not completely bat shit crazy.
But I knew it will be like this. I’m not surprised. In the end, this is the least I deserve, from the people that lost their lives because of me. One thing didn’t occur to me though. That it would torment her as well.
She keeps telling me it is her duty, something she can do… but it’s not true. She deserves peace. A safe home, someone that will always be there for her, kids.
Nothing of the above is something I can give her.
There was a time I actually make myself believe that maybe.. Maybe I could. But today, just proved me that I was right all along. And she keeps denying it.
I don’t know how she can’t see it. Just look at me. Beaten.. Hiding in the dark corner. I should let the shadows take me. The screams are consuming me already from the inside. Each of the Metis.. Tagar, Snap Tooth, Wrecked, Double Tail, Clio… I can clearly feel the pain in their voices, when the claws, fangs and silver bullets tear their flesh. The throbbing, the rage, the blood.. I can taste it even now. Their final cries still in my mind, repeating.. like they still scream in the packlink. Why I’m not one of them? Well.. I’m not done yet.. I couldn’t go now.
But… what when I kill him? She couldn’t let me now.. She couldn’t let me before.. What will happen when I do what I promised? The only thing until now that kept me breathing? She.. Will have to accept that. I told her. I warned her. She don’t want to understand. Even if she can hear those shadows. I bring them to her, and she simply wanted to protect me. Not saying me a thing. Will she end up like everything I loved before? More blood on my hands? In the end… look at them. Waiting, wanting to get me. To pay for what I’ve done. Like I should. The only thing that stops them is the shield she made…
She even put everyone... Herself at risk to get me back. If something happen to them.. to her...
She loves me.. And I let her continue this. And the bad thing is that I can’t help it.. I don’t want to hurt her.. I don’t want to leave..
I don’t want to be alone again.
I’m selfish.
Will I let her pay for this?
No.
But I want those screams to STOP! My head.. I did everything I could! I tried! I swear I tried… And I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.
I don’t want your forgiveness. But I want you all to know it. I don’t forget. I know what I’m done. I will pay.. but not now. Not now, not before I make sure he will too. Just let me do this.. Please.. I beg you. Just let me.. Let me finish this. Let me make him pay, and then I will come to receive what I deserve as well. Please.
Don’t drag her into it.. She has nothing to do with any of this.
If you really want someone.. Then take me.
Just stop it.
The shadows keep the light from touching me. The cries keep the peace away.
I don’t know how long I can carry on.
I’m tired.
Will she forgive me?
I need to stay..
For her.
For both of them.
I can only sit here, in the corner. The darkness: the only thing that keep me sane. Well… let me rephrase… not completely bat shit crazy.
But I knew it will be like this. I’m not surprised. In the end, this is the least I deserve, from the people that lost their lives because of me. One thing didn’t occur to me though. That it would torment her as well.
She keeps telling me it is her duty, something she can do… but it’s not true. She deserves peace. A safe home, someone that will always be there for her, kids.
Nothing of the above is something I can give her.
There was a time I actually make myself believe that maybe.. Maybe I could. But today, just proved me that I was right all along. And she keeps denying it.
I don’t know how she can’t see it. Just look at me. Beaten.. Hiding in the dark corner. I should let the shadows take me. The screams are consuming me already from the inside. Each of the Metis.. Tagar, Snap Tooth, Wrecked, Double Tail, Clio… I can clearly feel the pain in their voices, when the claws, fangs and silver bullets tear their flesh. The throbbing, the rage, the blood.. I can taste it even now. Their final cries still in my mind, repeating.. like they still scream in the packlink. Why I’m not one of them? Well.. I’m not done yet.. I couldn’t go now.
But… what when I kill him? She couldn’t let me now.. She couldn’t let me before.. What will happen when I do what I promised? The only thing until now that kept me breathing? She.. Will have to accept that. I told her. I warned her. She don’t want to understand. Even if she can hear those shadows. I bring them to her, and she simply wanted to protect me. Not saying me a thing. Will she end up like everything I loved before? More blood on my hands? In the end… look at them. Waiting, wanting to get me. To pay for what I’ve done. Like I should. The only thing that stops them is the shield she made…
She even put everyone... Herself at risk to get me back. If something happen to them.. to her...
She loves me.. And I let her continue this. And the bad thing is that I can’t help it.. I don’t want to hurt her.. I don’t want to leave..
I don’t want to be alone again.
I’m selfish.
Will I let her pay for this?
No.
But I want those screams to STOP! My head.. I did everything I could! I tried! I swear I tried… And I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.
I don’t want your forgiveness. But I want you all to know it. I don’t forget. I know what I’m done. I will pay.. but not now. Not now, not before I make sure he will too. Just let me do this.. Please.. I beg you. Just let me.. Let me finish this. Let me make him pay, and then I will come to receive what I deserve as well. Please.
Don’t drag her into it.. She has nothing to do with any of this.
If you really want someone.. Then take me.
Just stop it.
The shadows keep the light from touching me. The cries keep the peace away.
I don’t know how long I can carry on.
I’m tired.
Will she forgive me?
I need to stay..
For her.
For both of them.