Post by sparkyjade on May 1, 2016 13:52:32 GMT
I can't remember ever being this tired, how we got here, or what just happened. All I know is that the night sky moved slowly above us with no moon. Only the stars shone down their pale light making the snow glow blue. We were in a hole. Maybe not really a hole but a depression in the ground. It was loamy, rich, and black earth under us. I could feel the cloak wrapped around me and the wolf at my side under my fingertips. I was warm, the beast next to me was warmer. I could still smell that faint cologne as well. It was so familiar, so much like home to me now. That powdery, sweet, soapy smell could draw me out of my blackest moods. And here we were, in an unknown place, exposed, lost, but I felt no panic. His fur under the thick guard hairs was soft, inviting to the touch. I ran my hand over the fur of his neck, slowly to his ribs and back up while the world around us began to grow lighter. His ear flicked at me but the proud head didn't turn to look at me. I knew he was awake and scooted closer to hug him. Even in this form he drew smiles from my face. That musky wolf smell still held his faint cologne. I leaned to kiss him on top of his furry head when a sound ripped through the peaceful moment. A sharp ringing sound, over and over. The dream shredded and I woke up to bright light in the room.
My first thought was why the hell is my phone going off so I grabbed it, sat up, and grumpily answered while looking around. I was alone which was normal since Drake always got up before I did. For a brief moment I wondered if that man ever slept really.
" Hello?" My voice was still thick with sleep.
" Raine? My you're sleeping in late, sweety." I knew that voice. It was my adopted mother, Antoinette. She seemed surprised and I looked at the clock. 2:47 pm. Nearly 15 hours of sleep. That fact alone woke me up. It wasn't the first time I'd slept in. I'd been doing that a lot lately.
" OH Gaia, yeah.. Sorry mom. I just feel like I haven't gotten any sleep lately. Did I miss dad's birthday song? " Every year that I wasn't there I always made an effort to call and sing with my mom to him.
" No, you didn't miss it yet. He's still out with the guys. I wanted to talk to you since we haven't much lately and you mentioned last month that you were feeling sick even after you had your friend do that.. thing. It worried me to hear about the results from your blood work. Honestly I was ecstatic to hear he could fix your head that way. But I did some looking into things. You should be feeling glorious, not tired, not sore. Raine, have you been having sore breasts and no menstrual cycle?" There was her mothering mode in that tone. My automatic response was to sigh and caught myself beforehand. She was just asking and I had to think. I even ran a hand over my chest and noticed my breasts were sore. I thought it was just PMS.
" Mom, you know I'm still on the pill. Drake and I haven't even discussed children yet." But even saying that didn't stop the creeping cold that started to knot up my stomach. It didn't stop my brain from doing mental gymnastics.
" Raaaaine.. I can hear it in your voice. Something's different. Talk to me, sweety." So many times I'd used that same line and now being on the other side, I didn't want to talk anymore. I flopped back on to the bed and let go the groan I'd been holding in while I rubbed my eyes. That creeping cold became a vice in my stomach. Was I? Could I be? Then I quickly did an inventory of the past month. Damnit, maybe. Fuck!
" I'll get checked by the doctor today. I know a doc that could probably see me ASAP. It's probably just my system getting reset, mom. You know like how when your body has nothing to fight anymore your immune system drops?" I was throwing logic at her. Granted she's Garou, she'd never even had a cold in her life. I could almost hear her nodding her head.
" Alright, call me and let me know what he or she says. Or I'll come over there and shake it out of you." It wasn't a real threat. I could hear it in her voice. She was getting excited about it. And that made the feeling of dread rise up even higher, about to my throat.
" Deal. So let me let you go and give the office a call. I need to shower anyway. I promise to let you know first. Love you, Mom" I said that and meant it. She would come and shake the living hell out of me if I didn't tell her first anyway. She told me she loved me too but there was some unreadable emotion in her voice that made my throat tight.
We hung up and I stared at the ceiling. Several scenarios ran through my head. What if I was pregnant? I imagined being gravid, large belly, unable to fight. Would it be too much? Finances where ok but I wondered how safe we were. What's the worse that could happen? I end up going home to Vermont to raise the child, alone, with my parents. We would be safe, but... could I really do that and not try to follow him? Could I choose between the man I loved and the first or last child that I'd ever have? I rolled over to his side of the bed and buried my face in his pillow. Breathing his scent in, I bunched that pillow up, my eyes starting to burn. No.. I couldn't let either of them go. So why did the fear start to make my stomach turn? A new daydream started to play in my head. Him sitting on the couch with a squirming,squalling bundle in his arms. That look that was part fear, part wonder on his face. A tiny and perfect little hand grasping his finger while he rocked the infant.
I got up and stopped the thoughts. One crisis at a time, Raine. First, find out what's going on. I hunted for my phone among the blankets and called the doctor. A good thing about this city was Drake knew a lot of people and the Glass Walkers had their own doctors. I let it ring while I got up to get my clothes out. A pleasant sounding woman answered the phone and I asked if they had an opening. I described my symptoms and they could see me in a few hours. They suggested I eat something light though. Fuck it, I was going to wear those jeans that were washed so many times they were almost white, comfortable, one of Drake's t-shirts always made me feel better. I took a shower,a long lingering shower to pass the time. I got dressed slowly and made some toast with jam. It was all I could stand to do today. My head was in a whirlwind. Phone? Check. Keys? Check. My wallet? Check. I always went over the list as I put my shoes on. Sneakers it was. I nearly scared the shit out of myself when I started my van. I left the damned volume too high when I got back from work. FUCK! I forgot to call the shop and let them know I wasn't coming in. I looked at the time and decided to go by instead.
Driving always helped my nerves. It's been a familiar friend. The seat belt even felt like it was a reassuring hug. Humming along to the radio helped ease my mind. By the time I parked at my shop, I was feeling back to normal. I went in the front door this time. Madison was busy with a client getting her paperwork done and gave me one of her winning smiles. I couldn't help grinning back. I bumped elbows with Animal since he was with a client and lingered to watch his work. We talked sparingly. The place was pretty autonomous without my interfering. I just signed the checks. It made me relax and a bit sad. I could remember being in the trenches during festivals, weekends, working near bars where shit just got crazy busy, and the days would just blend together. I walked back to my office and kept an eye on the clock. It seemed to go slower now. Everything was done, there wasn't a damned thing I could do. It was too early to go to the office, and not enough time to pick up a client. So I played Solitaire to fill in the time. Someone kept changing my cards. I liked the Hearts Deck, they kept changing it to Classic. A few wins, a few losses and I had to go. When I got to the van, my toast wanted to come up with how suddenly nervous I was. I swallowed down my fear, got in, buckled up, and headed to the office.
It was the same neutral beige walls, thick carpets, cushioned but straight backed chairs all lined up in rows. The TV was playing the same game show channel on low volume as I walked to the glass window to let them know I was there. No, none of my information changed. Sure, I'll have a seat. The place was only occupied by a few and no one gave off the telltale tingle of rage. So I watched TV for a while. My leg kept bouncing like a nervous tick. The others were called in first until I was the last one. I was let into the back to get my vitals. I'd apparently lost a few pounds though I didn't feel like it. My favorite pants were a little tight around the belly and my bra was uncomfortable. Blood pressure was normal. And they asked me if I was nervous since my heart rate was high. Of course I had to nod. The nurse was smiling at me kindly. I couldn't tell if she had a good bed side manner or if she was sincere. I didn't worry about it too much as they led me back to the little room with the high table and the stirrups. This is where I held myself in check. I wanted to groan and roll my eyes but I didn't. She gave me a robe to put on and left me to dress. Why are doctor's offices so damned cold? I sat up on the table with the paper and tried not to move so much. That crinkling sound was just too loud in that room. So I looked at all the instruments there, the charts, and back to my socks. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long and the doctor knocked on the door. He came in with a cloud of antiseptic smells, a smile, that big hand that was dry and warm as he shook mine. Dr. Gary Curbow was kinfolk, an older one, very fatherly, and could put just about anyone at ease with how he spoke to you. We went over my symptoms again, all the sordid details of how " active" I was, the last time I had my period, what birth control I used, etc. He knew about the ritual used to restore my brain to its non damaged state. So he'd perform an internal exam but first blood work. The blood work didn't make me uncomfortable. It was the cold, pinching, metal duck head or some strange man poking at my most intimate places that left me wanting to punch someone. So he left and seemed to take all the warmth in the room with him. My mind started to wander when the nurse with her little toolkit came in to take a few vials of blood. She was good, very good. Then again when I looked I found my old scars from the multitude of previous blood draws were gone. That was a relief. And again the waiting. I decided to get up and grab my phone to play with. I was so tempted to text Drake and see where he was. That temptation was taken away from me when the doctor came back in.
"Good news, Ms Davis. If you'll hop back up on the table, I'll show you why" I think I must of looked like a deer in the headlights. So I did as he asked, and watched as the nurse brought in the oddest looking machine I'd ever seen. I must of swung my arm or something because Dr. Curbow moved back a little after trying to draw the robe up.
" Now now, this won't hurt a bit. It's a sonogram." He pulled it back up to my breasts and the nurse came around with a blanket that had been warmed up. I soaked up that heat and it helped stop the fine shivering I didn't notice until then. The doc smeared some goo on my belly and brought out some weird kind of wand device. I pulled my phone out and started recording. There it was.. a baby, about the size of a blueberry. A small lump of flesh growing in my womb. Hot tears rolled out of my eyes as he turned a switch to listen to the fast little heartbeat. I had to swallow hard and try not to start going into shock as the doctor started talking again
" You're roughly 7 weeks along. Very healthy heartbeat. Very strong. I'd say your due date is early December around the 6th. Now we'll need to see you about once a month to track your progress and prescribe you some vitamins. You'll need to change your diet a bit adding more calcium. But not to worry you'll get a packet to go over with a suggested reading list."
I couldn't tear my eyes from the screen and I stopped listening. I'd even stopped the recording letting my phone drop to the blanket. He was printing out a few clear shots. He blocked my view and I blinked, wiping my eyes.
" Sorry, what did you say?"
" I asked if you had any questions so far." I just shook my head. The fear was still there in my stomach, but it had lessened now. The dread was still there, but something else was taking it place. It bubbled up out of me in a snicker that grew to a chuckle. I laughed and happily so while fresh tears came to my eyes. The doctor and the nurse looked to each other then to me but when I looked at them I laughed harder.
" Are you alright? If you did choose not to have the baby we could include some... options." His voice gained a touch disapproving and I shook my head. I took the pictures that were handed to me and looked to them with a sigh.
" No.. no I'm fine, better than fine. This is good news." I didn't lie completely. Deep down inside I was happy. Ironic as it was, there was a sense of relief in me. I'd inherited my mother's curse, but this baby wouldn't. This baby's father had given me the strength to break that curse. All my life I'd been close to the dead. Seeing them, hearing them, controlling them. Now I faced life, a new life, a life that would grow in me and become a separate person. For now that idea was too big for me to grasp. But I was happy. The rest of the visit seemed to just be a blur like I was floating. I got my prescription, my info packet, got to the van, and headed to the pharmacy. While it was filled, I walked through the isles of toys and baby products. Thank Gaia for my nest egg was all I could think when I saw all the things a kid could need. The realization that I was going to be a mother, that my life was going to be forever, and irrevocably changed hit me. A chill went through me. I picked up my vitamins and listened to the pharmacist who smiled at me, giving me congratulations. Then I went to the van and my knees felt weak. With shaking hands, I called my mom after I closed the door. She picked up on the first ring like she'd been waiting with baited breath.
" Mom? I.. uhh.. I'm pregnant. Almost 2 months pregnant. As far as I can figure that put our conception date on our honey moon.... in the umbra.." My mouth was so dry as I spoke. I could hear her hrmming to herself, considering the information. She was theurge after all and it was her that taught me to be curious of the mysteries surrounding us.
" I wouldn't worry about the baby's health then. Conception in the umbra is a significant event whether you have a kinfolk or a Garou, Raine. There could be... spiritual repercussions but don't even start to think it's bad. This is a lucky event. VERY lucky. And I'm sooo happy for you,sweety! Here talk to your dad. He's going to explode when he hears this." She didn't even let me say a word but I was starting to feel better. I could just imagine her silver streaked blonde braids swinging, her blue-grey eyes sparkling and I could hear her running to the door to call for my adopted dad. I could imagine him trotting over, almost hear his heavy footsteps. He was wide, thick, a moving wall, but agile. His dark beard was turning white when I saw him. The sides of his head were turning silver. A stark contrast to his black black hair. His deep voice was instantly soothing. He was my daddy after all and always treated me like his daughter. He loved me beyond measure and I felt like a child right now. I wanted my mommy and daddy to tell me things were going to be ok. I could almost see his black eyes snapping with the happiness I heard in his voice.
" Heeeey baby Rai, we're not doing the song until a few more hours. What's up, honey?" His deep voice rumbled over the phone and I couldn't help the smile.
" Well.. dad? I. uhm. Have a birthday present for you. How does Grandpa Fred sound to you?" There was silence on the phone. I think he forgot to breathe.
" Dad? You ok?" He took a breath and true to my mom's words he exploded. He whooped and I swear he was jumping up and down. I had to pull the phone away from my ear and could still hear him practically howling with excitement. When he was done there was a choking sort of sound to his voice.
" Really Rai? Really? My baby girl is going to be a momma? OH sweetness, that's wonderful! You tell Drake yet? How far along are you? Do you need us to come out there? I'll build you a crib. I insist!" I had to chuckle but my own throat was tight and I sniffled.
" I just found out, dad. I'm headed home to tell Drake. And yes, by all means please make me a crib. We'll be fine really. The doctor said I'm due around December 6th. But calm down, dad. We have a lot of time yet. I'm only about 7 weeks or so. Let me tell Drake and I'll send you the video of the baby's heartbeat ok? Show mom how to use email please. Sometimes I think she still believes that computer I sent you guys has evil spirits in it." We both chuckled and I sank into the seat a bit. Dad had a way of easing someone's nerves with idle chitchat about this and that. He talked about the new lupus that had shown up, how he had taken up sculpting with a chain saw, and how big of a fit mom threw when she found out he'd nearly taken his leg off the first time he tried. Of course he'd just shredded his pants. We all got together and sang him happy birthday. Some day we'd figure out how to use the video calling. By the time we'd hung up, I was accepting my new fate. I put my seatbelt on and started the van feeling braver and ready to tell Drake.
By the time I got home, it was dark. My courage started to fail me as I walked up to the door. I rubbed my face and took a breath as I went in. Nope, not in the living room. Not in the bedroom. I walked quietly down the hall to the steps that led to our basement. I opened the door and there he was. He had his headphones on, working, his laptop open, and my breath caught in my throat. That always happened when I saw him. The day I stopped reacting when he walked into the room was the day I was 3 days dead. I rubbed my palms against my jeans, ignoring how sticky I still felt from the goo they used for the sonogram. I sat on the arm of the couch that was near his desk as he noticed me in his peripheral vision. A smile was on his lips as he gave me the one moment gesture. He then took off his headset and shut things down on his computer to give me his full attention. Those jewel like emerald eyes held me, and I could feel my heart beat harder with just how simply happy he was to see me. My mouth went dry but he spoke first while I got my pulse under control.
"Hey there.. you're early... ish." I couldn't help but grin a little at the smile then looks off to his computer. I couldn't hold his gaze.
" I.. err.. took the rest of the day off. " I could feel my brows knit and bit my lips while I was trying to figure out how to say something delicately. But delicate? Me? I'm as subtle as a freight train.
"Is... everything alright?" He looked at me with a concerned raised eyebrow, getting up to walk closer. I rubbed my neck with one hand while the other pulled out my phone. I watched him move with that automatic grace and it made my heart start up again.
"I... Uhm.. got some good news and bad news." Did I mention how subtle I am? Because as soon as I started talking I tried to break it gently, almost jokingly.
" The bad news is I'm not going to be able to celebrate with you on this year's Daze. Beeeecause of the good news" I was hoping, praying he'd find it good news too. Old habits die hard with Garou just like they do with anyone else. He turned his head slightly and his whole body language changed when he heard my words. He was completely and utterly suspicious as hell like I would open up some new nightmare to swallow him. I did the only thing I could do, I played the video for him of the sonogram. The beating heart still made my eyes burn. He froze as the video played showing the baby. I swear I saw him jump then that eyebrow froze when he heard the fast little heartbeat.
"What?" Is all he could manage to say as he looked to me for an explanation. I bit my lip and could still feel that crease in my brow. My hands didn't shake at least when I put my phone down.
" I know! I didn't believe it. I thought it was just.. the healing resetting my system... But I went to the doctor's today. And.... that's our baby, Drake. I'm about 7 weeks now." Drake didn't blink. His expression didn't change. I know I made sense. I know he understood me. I waited for some reaction and got nothing. Though I could see the blood start to drain from his face as he made his way to the back of the couch and lean against it. I turned with a sigh and put my phone away. He brought his hand slowly to his face as I rubbed his back.
" Breathe.. just breathe" is all I could think to say, trying to be soothing.
"No.. this...how..." He shook his head slightly.. he started to breathe weirdly. "Oh.. fuck..."
"Far as I can figure.. The umbra
" I said and kept rubbing a bit harder in circles along his back.
"What umbra has to...oh..." He looked at me for a few seconds then closed his eyes taking a deep breath but that didn't help at all. "I need to.....couch." He said then moved unsurely to sit down. I offered a hand at his elbow to guide him to sit down on the couch and sat with him. I swear I thought he was going to faint. I could only imagine his thought process. This wasn't his first child, but that moment, seeing him react, seeing him face fear like I did, I swore it wouldn't happen like last time.
"Sit.. put your head between your knees" I offered to him but that was a bad idea.
"I'm not.. oh.. god damn it Raine.." He said said as the grumpiness was rising in his voice. He slid both his hands over his face for a moment then looked at me. "That's why you healed?"
I shook my head." No.. I actually had no idea yet at that time. But I'm glad I did." sighed and ran my hands over my face too. The fear was coming back, the uncertainty of the situation. I tried to think, lacing my fingers together, placing them against my lips. My leg started bouncing very quickly. What was I going to do? I could feel my shoulders tighten and chest started to ache. I said nothing more. Drake even kept quiet for a moment, looking at nowhere as he too was lost in though. Until my leg started bouncing. He's always been sensitive to my moods. I heard him exhale but I didn't move. He smirked, then slithered that warm hand of his over my leg to calm it down.
That got my attention and I looked to his face. I felt better seeing that familiar smirk. I put my hand on his, swallowed past the lump in my throat, and said what I felt "Its.. gunna be ok, babe"
"Yeah..... it will.." He let out a heavy sigh like letting something go. Then he did something amazing, something that melted away all my doubt... He smiled. "Come here.." He said then pulled me close into an embrace. I wanted much more than a hug. I wanted to wrap him around me so I invaded his lap and twisted enough to wrap my arms around him. A few seconds passed and my grip got tighter. So did his as if we'd pull one into the other, holding each other hard enough that our heartbeats could be felt beating against each other. I could of stayed like that forever, nuzzling into his neck while he rested his chin on my shoulder. That was until he let out a soft yet unsure chuckle.
"What's so funny?" I asked while nuzzling against him again and patiently waiting for his answer. I didn't think he would. When he did speak it was low, soft, and close to my ear.
" I have no idea" That almost made me chuckle. Thinking of that day he took me to the Cyber Realm, showing me wonders that I'd never dreamt of in my life still resonated in me. We were like a normal couple there. As odd as it sounds to some. I was like a little kid oohing and ahhing at ever new discovery I made. I called it our honeymoon because he got me a teddy bear and another present. We got to climb buildings, ride a hoverbike that went faster than I'd ever traveled. He was smiling nearly the whole trip and it made me think that's how he must of been before the world sucked the happy out of him. We were both so happy there. We played with each other, teased and flirted with each other like newlyweds, then loved each other with a passion I'd never known we could contain. Just thinking about it with him so close made me want him all over again.
" Still.. best day ever?" I asked him with hopes that he'd agree. I couldn't see him close his eyes but I did feel him pull me away and loosened my grip. I leaned back in his lap enough to look at him. I looked to Drake and saw in him that younger, reckless man he used to be. I saw how careful he was being right that moment.
" You still believe so?" came his question and I nodded without even having to think about it. It was better than the glass gardens he took me to for a date. It was better than sitting under the boardwalk eating burgers and watching the tides. He showed me a piece of his world, where he grew up, and let me into his life a bit more. Those memories were more precious than any item I could hold in my hand.
"Ok then" He said softly and his lips curled in that smirk but I saw the pain in his eyes a brief second before he closed them and leaned his forehead against him. It made a stabbing pain shoot through my chest. He wasn't the only one that could pick up on moods. I removed my hands to hold his head while we shared the same breath. My thumbs rubbed the beard on his cheeks, going over the scar on one side. I wanted to chase away all that pain while I kissed his forehead and whispered." Talk to me?" I put my forehead back against his and saw him smirk but his eyes stayed closed.
" What can I say? We gunna be.." and he stopped to laugh nervously. He couldn't finish it so I finished it for him.
" The P word" A sigh came from my lips, puffing my cheeks out as not only the relief washed over me, but the realization that the enormity of the situation must be hitting him hard too.
" Fuuuuck me running backwards naked through a cornfield on a treadmill with a pogo stick in the rain. Good Gaia.." was all I could say. Normally he responds with some smart assed comment to my creative curses. He just opened his eyes and looked away. I let go of his face, folding my hands in my lap, and sat back a bit feeling a bit like I was invading some of his personal space.
"You need a few moments to process this?" I asked him softly but I knew the answer. I'd gotten my comfort, my reassurance, but something made me think I made his life a lot harder right then.
"I don't.. exactly.." He took a breath still not even looking to me. "Yeah.."
I did the only thing I could do. I kissed his cheek, putting mine against his to feel that familiar scruff then slid off his lap. I headed upstairs to our room to shower. I was all sorts of uncomfy and wanted a shower. I left the bedroom door open so he knew where I was,could hear the shower, and see my pajamas on the bed. I sat down at the bottom of the tub while the water ran over me. I wanted it hot to beat back the cold fear again. I hugged my knees and stayed there for a long time before I cleaned up and washed my hair. I felt sick. I always did when I tried to make things better but ended up making things worse. Was it worse? Probably not. He just needs to absorb the implications. It's just hormones, it's been a shocking kind of day. I got out of the shower to dry off, pink, clean, and got dressed quickly to hold onto that warmth. The house was quiet but for the dripping of the eaves since it was sort of raining outside. I looked around and confirmed what I already knew. He was gone. I left the door unlocked, grabbed the quilt we had over the back of the couch, put in Inuyasha and laid down on the couch to wait. My limbs, my mind, my everything was numb with tiredness. I just knew I wouldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep until he got home.
My patience was rewarded eventually. Drake was gone for a couple of hours. When he did get back, he did it quietly, carefully closing the door behind him, but it's not like he was sneaky or something. He was a bit wet from the light rain outside, his hair a bit of a mess. I paused the series and sat up to scoot and sit back. Looking to him, seeing him so wet, I opened up the blanket with my arm to offer him a place to sit and share the warmth. Drake sighed and stepped on his shoes to leave them by the door, before moving to me.I found it odd that he lowered his head a bit before gently sitting on the offered spot.
I didn't ask nor would I. He would seek what comfort he could from me and obviously had other sources. I wasn't afraid of him being unfaithful, I just accepted that fact that I wasn't his entire everything and had grown used to it. Sometimes, the best way to clear your head is with a long run. I pulled my feet around when he sat so I could drape the blanket around him too. I kept silent while I scooted over to him. He blinked the moment the blanket was wrapped around him like his head was somewhere else. But then smiled slightly, and wrapped his arm around me as soon as I was close enough. At least his breathing had calmed down now. Whatever he was doing outside it seem to helped.
"We'll need one more room..." He said finally, even if it was almost a whisper.
I grinned back up at him carefully then chuckled almost too softly as if I didn't want to break that spell of peace he'd found.
" Yeah.. we've got time though."
"I know.." He smirked "Are you ok?"
" Just been tired more easily. Sleeping more. Oddly, no morning sickness. But I'm scared."I nodded I as replied, still so careful.
"Sorry.." He tightened his embrace around me. "But it will be ok.. I'll be here with you.."
By those words alone a weight was lifted from me that I had no idea I carried. I reached my arm around him and gave him a squeeze.
" Don't be sorry, just.. don't go away please. It's not the end of the world, just.. a lot of changes I guess. "
"Raine.." He turned his head a bit and down to look back back at me. "I would never do that, I would never let you alone in this.." He moved his hand to cup my cheek, rub it with his thumb. "You must know this. I just... needed.. a run." He looked away guilty but then back at me. "I'll make sure that everything will be just fine. Changes.. mean nothing." I watched him putting my hands over his and tried to explain a bit better
"I know this. I didn't mean like.. leaving me. I mean in your head. Don't go away in there. I'm ok with you needing a run, or sit on the roof, or whatever it is you need. WE will make sure everything is fine. WE will do this thing together. It took both of us to get here, so it's going to take us both to handle it. I gave up the idea for a long time and only recently thought it was possible to happen. Guess someone had a better idea that it should happen now."
He opened his mouth as to say something, but regretted it, he tried again and another failure. He let go of a breath and tried it again.
"I know you.. thought of this. I know you wanted.. deserve it, but I... Eh, it doesn't matter now."
He let the thought die but I was relentless. Every unspoken thought like that usually ended up festering I nudged him softly.
" Tell me please? Hiding things could just make it worse later on down the road."
"I.." He started to say then retrieved his hand from around me to look down, facing me.
"I've been ready for this once.. and then, things.. happen. They are still out there, and I can't.. I shouldn't be given this. I let it clean back then at the river... But now, well..."
I knew what he was trying to explain. He felt he wasn't deserving of any of this. That his sins made it so he wasn't allowed to have anything that he wanted. I understood he felt that once he had something that he loved, it would be ripped away. I let go as well and leaned my elbows on my knees to lace my fingers together. I stared at the floor still wrapped up in the blanket with him.
" Yeah.. I remember. Your hunt, your troubles. Its not like it was before. You've done nothing wrong. Drake, everyone deserves to be happy. As much as you don't believe it. I think this happened to show you that you deserve it too." I placed my hands to my forehead as if in prayer, as if swearing an an oath and tried to pour all of my conviction into my next words, willing him to understand, determined and every bit truthful.
" And I swear... if anyone tries to get in the way, tries to take it away from us, they'll pay for it. No one messes with my family. No one hurts them."
"Apparently you have the faith for both of us." He said in low voice I could feel him looking at me. He keeps forgetting I'm born and raised a Fenrir, I can out stubborn him. He knew that I could never lie to him. So he just flopped on the couch and exhales. After a longer moment he raised his hands to run them over his face, hissing when touching his damaged eye.
"At least Gaia did make us lucky."
I looked at him when he flopped back and turned to flop on him partially.
" Damn straight I have that faith. It's why you love me. Doesn't hurt to have you at my back or the other way around now does it? " I said while tucking myself under his arm." Besides, how much will you laugh when you make fun of me for waddling?"
"I.." He smirked and chuckled at that.
" OH you know you would. And laugh the whole time while I'm asking you to get some watermelon with sushi. Gaia I hope I don't crave something like pickles and chocolate ice cream.'"
"Well, maybe not the whole time as I will be the one running to the store in the middle of the night..."
I almost smiled at that thought while I scooted around to lay on my back, adjusting the blanket a bit. I pulled it away to look down and muttered about things like no wonder my clothes didn't fit. I too sighed before looking up at him. " Do.. you want a boy, or a girl?"
"I don't.. What you want?" He looked at me and he was still awkward with all this, that's for sure.
I rubbed my belly imagining what it would be like being big and thought quitely for a long moment as if trying to envision the future.
"A boy. Yeah.. a little boy. With your eyes, and my mean right hook" I had to chuckle afterwards.
"Then.. let's hope for a boy." He said while slithering his hand on mine and my belly. I gripped his fingers when he leaned over to nudge me with his nose. The moment I looked uphe stole a kiss. A grin stayed plastered there, an odd happy one.
"What?"He he asked as he saw my grin. I only grinned wider " I'm happy"
"Oh, Raine..." He smirked gently and hugs drew me up to hug even closer. "What I'm gonna do with you.."
I was making a murrring sound when he hugs me then started with kisses on what parts of his face that I can reach." Yoooou ... could love me?"
"Naaahhh.." He shrugged just slightly but then shifted a bit to face me better. He kept his hand on my belly.. rubbing it gently now. "I already love you."
I couldn't help that giggle. He said those words rarely and it made a tingle run down from my head to my toes leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.Or maybe it was how he rubbed my skin softly
" Then that's all I need. You cheered up a bit.. and that tickles."
"Too bad. you will have to endure it now." He tickled me just for a second there on purpose but then just shook his head a bit while a bit of his true smile started to form on his lips. I tried not to writhe and laugh too much during the tickets. So I pouted at him. "OH .. you pooor.. poor thing
" was all I said before I reached up quickly and mussed up his hair.
"What.. no.. noooo... noooope.." He pulled and leaned to avoid my hand.. or more fighting to get out of my reach. "That's mine. Mine thingy." He said mockingly.
That only egged me on as I giggles a new bubbled up. I pulled up his shirt and blew a raspberry against his chest and stomach.
"No, oh shit..gah!" He laughed at the raspberry then grabbed me firmly with both hands over my arms, to make me stop.He pulled me up to stare and me while I went up to my knees beside him on the couch.
"You are unbelievable, Raine. I'll never understand how you do it."
I grinned ear to ear on my face. I could feel it soften as I looked to him
" I don't know either. I just... do what feels right. And right now, the silly bug bit me. You can't believe how amazing it is to hear you laugh"
"Sure.. I won't believe it." He scoffed. His hands started to rub my arms gently as he tried pathetically to blow his messed up hair from his face. I steadied myself with a hand to his arm and started to finger comb those russet and brown locks of his. He was always wary about others touching his hair. But slowly over the past year he'd grown comfortable enough to let me.
" It's getting pretty long now. " I said while I took my place again in his lap and drew the quit around us like a cocoon. He was almost dry now.
"Mmmm... long?" He propped himself to get more comfy, wrapping his hands around me now that I was in his lap. I was incredibly comfortable facing him and twirling his hair around my finger with what I felt was the goofiest grin.
"Eh... Could shorten them..." He just looked at my fingers that played with his hair making a face. He never did like to make a fuss about his hair and I could only imagine how many women could of chased him around just to touch it.
" I like it long. Longer than mine"
"And.. now that's not fully right..." He raises his eyebrow.
That made me scoff at him so I decided to be a smart ass a little tease because we both knew how the other liked it. He was my first, and he knows my body better than I do. He'd been teasing and flirting with me so I picked up a few devious ways to return the favor.
" I .. could grow it longer. I used to have it much shorter. Gives you something to hold onto, right? " I let my voice drop low and sultry. He stared at me for that. But not in the way I was hoping. Sometimes I really have to try hard to win him over or sometimes it was nothing at all that got him going and our clothes would suddenly disappear. I sat up, back straight as a board and cross my arms, but an impish grin was there.
" Whaaat? I was pink and soft once. I had my hair down past my butt when I was little."
"Eh, that's too girly." And I could of sworn he almost wrinkled his nose. That made me chuckle.
" Yeah.. it was pretty girly. I would of given a vital body part for a canopy bed and ballerina wallpaper. Then I went to school"
"Thank god..." He said and looked up to me.
"Another reason for a boy..." He said and the teasing tone was back his chuckle easy and relaxed now. I sighed with a roll of my eyes and a smile.
" I know.. Right? I can handle frogs in the pockets, dirty skinned knees.. Boy or girl, our kid will grow up how they are meant to be. Smart and probably very sassy" That smirk that was all Drake was back. His chuckle brightened my life as I heard it again, a gentle one. His sigh was soft and the smirk turned to a half smile. He was happy.
" Our... kid." He said softly. I leaned over to kiss his forehead and agreed with him in a whisper. " Ours"
My first thought was why the hell is my phone going off so I grabbed it, sat up, and grumpily answered while looking around. I was alone which was normal since Drake always got up before I did. For a brief moment I wondered if that man ever slept really.
" Hello?" My voice was still thick with sleep.
" Raine? My you're sleeping in late, sweety." I knew that voice. It was my adopted mother, Antoinette. She seemed surprised and I looked at the clock. 2:47 pm. Nearly 15 hours of sleep. That fact alone woke me up. It wasn't the first time I'd slept in. I'd been doing that a lot lately.
" OH Gaia, yeah.. Sorry mom. I just feel like I haven't gotten any sleep lately. Did I miss dad's birthday song? " Every year that I wasn't there I always made an effort to call and sing with my mom to him.
" No, you didn't miss it yet. He's still out with the guys. I wanted to talk to you since we haven't much lately and you mentioned last month that you were feeling sick even after you had your friend do that.. thing. It worried me to hear about the results from your blood work. Honestly I was ecstatic to hear he could fix your head that way. But I did some looking into things. You should be feeling glorious, not tired, not sore. Raine, have you been having sore breasts and no menstrual cycle?" There was her mothering mode in that tone. My automatic response was to sigh and caught myself beforehand. She was just asking and I had to think. I even ran a hand over my chest and noticed my breasts were sore. I thought it was just PMS.
" Mom, you know I'm still on the pill. Drake and I haven't even discussed children yet." But even saying that didn't stop the creeping cold that started to knot up my stomach. It didn't stop my brain from doing mental gymnastics.
" Raaaaine.. I can hear it in your voice. Something's different. Talk to me, sweety." So many times I'd used that same line and now being on the other side, I didn't want to talk anymore. I flopped back on to the bed and let go the groan I'd been holding in while I rubbed my eyes. That creeping cold became a vice in my stomach. Was I? Could I be? Then I quickly did an inventory of the past month. Damnit, maybe. Fuck!
" I'll get checked by the doctor today. I know a doc that could probably see me ASAP. It's probably just my system getting reset, mom. You know like how when your body has nothing to fight anymore your immune system drops?" I was throwing logic at her. Granted she's Garou, she'd never even had a cold in her life. I could almost hear her nodding her head.
" Alright, call me and let me know what he or she says. Or I'll come over there and shake it out of you." It wasn't a real threat. I could hear it in her voice. She was getting excited about it. And that made the feeling of dread rise up even higher, about to my throat.
" Deal. So let me let you go and give the office a call. I need to shower anyway. I promise to let you know first. Love you, Mom" I said that and meant it. She would come and shake the living hell out of me if I didn't tell her first anyway. She told me she loved me too but there was some unreadable emotion in her voice that made my throat tight.
We hung up and I stared at the ceiling. Several scenarios ran through my head. What if I was pregnant? I imagined being gravid, large belly, unable to fight. Would it be too much? Finances where ok but I wondered how safe we were. What's the worse that could happen? I end up going home to Vermont to raise the child, alone, with my parents. We would be safe, but... could I really do that and not try to follow him? Could I choose between the man I loved and the first or last child that I'd ever have? I rolled over to his side of the bed and buried my face in his pillow. Breathing his scent in, I bunched that pillow up, my eyes starting to burn. No.. I couldn't let either of them go. So why did the fear start to make my stomach turn? A new daydream started to play in my head. Him sitting on the couch with a squirming,squalling bundle in his arms. That look that was part fear, part wonder on his face. A tiny and perfect little hand grasping his finger while he rocked the infant.
I got up and stopped the thoughts. One crisis at a time, Raine. First, find out what's going on. I hunted for my phone among the blankets and called the doctor. A good thing about this city was Drake knew a lot of people and the Glass Walkers had their own doctors. I let it ring while I got up to get my clothes out. A pleasant sounding woman answered the phone and I asked if they had an opening. I described my symptoms and they could see me in a few hours. They suggested I eat something light though. Fuck it, I was going to wear those jeans that were washed so many times they were almost white, comfortable, one of Drake's t-shirts always made me feel better. I took a shower,a long lingering shower to pass the time. I got dressed slowly and made some toast with jam. It was all I could stand to do today. My head was in a whirlwind. Phone? Check. Keys? Check. My wallet? Check. I always went over the list as I put my shoes on. Sneakers it was. I nearly scared the shit out of myself when I started my van. I left the damned volume too high when I got back from work. FUCK! I forgot to call the shop and let them know I wasn't coming in. I looked at the time and decided to go by instead.
Driving always helped my nerves. It's been a familiar friend. The seat belt even felt like it was a reassuring hug. Humming along to the radio helped ease my mind. By the time I parked at my shop, I was feeling back to normal. I went in the front door this time. Madison was busy with a client getting her paperwork done and gave me one of her winning smiles. I couldn't help grinning back. I bumped elbows with Animal since he was with a client and lingered to watch his work. We talked sparingly. The place was pretty autonomous without my interfering. I just signed the checks. It made me relax and a bit sad. I could remember being in the trenches during festivals, weekends, working near bars where shit just got crazy busy, and the days would just blend together. I walked back to my office and kept an eye on the clock. It seemed to go slower now. Everything was done, there wasn't a damned thing I could do. It was too early to go to the office, and not enough time to pick up a client. So I played Solitaire to fill in the time. Someone kept changing my cards. I liked the Hearts Deck, they kept changing it to Classic. A few wins, a few losses and I had to go. When I got to the van, my toast wanted to come up with how suddenly nervous I was. I swallowed down my fear, got in, buckled up, and headed to the office.
It was the same neutral beige walls, thick carpets, cushioned but straight backed chairs all lined up in rows. The TV was playing the same game show channel on low volume as I walked to the glass window to let them know I was there. No, none of my information changed. Sure, I'll have a seat. The place was only occupied by a few and no one gave off the telltale tingle of rage. So I watched TV for a while. My leg kept bouncing like a nervous tick. The others were called in first until I was the last one. I was let into the back to get my vitals. I'd apparently lost a few pounds though I didn't feel like it. My favorite pants were a little tight around the belly and my bra was uncomfortable. Blood pressure was normal. And they asked me if I was nervous since my heart rate was high. Of course I had to nod. The nurse was smiling at me kindly. I couldn't tell if she had a good bed side manner or if she was sincere. I didn't worry about it too much as they led me back to the little room with the high table and the stirrups. This is where I held myself in check. I wanted to groan and roll my eyes but I didn't. She gave me a robe to put on and left me to dress. Why are doctor's offices so damned cold? I sat up on the table with the paper and tried not to move so much. That crinkling sound was just too loud in that room. So I looked at all the instruments there, the charts, and back to my socks. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long and the doctor knocked on the door. He came in with a cloud of antiseptic smells, a smile, that big hand that was dry and warm as he shook mine. Dr. Gary Curbow was kinfolk, an older one, very fatherly, and could put just about anyone at ease with how he spoke to you. We went over my symptoms again, all the sordid details of how " active" I was, the last time I had my period, what birth control I used, etc. He knew about the ritual used to restore my brain to its non damaged state. So he'd perform an internal exam but first blood work. The blood work didn't make me uncomfortable. It was the cold, pinching, metal duck head or some strange man poking at my most intimate places that left me wanting to punch someone. So he left and seemed to take all the warmth in the room with him. My mind started to wander when the nurse with her little toolkit came in to take a few vials of blood. She was good, very good. Then again when I looked I found my old scars from the multitude of previous blood draws were gone. That was a relief. And again the waiting. I decided to get up and grab my phone to play with. I was so tempted to text Drake and see where he was. That temptation was taken away from me when the doctor came back in.
"Good news, Ms Davis. If you'll hop back up on the table, I'll show you why" I think I must of looked like a deer in the headlights. So I did as he asked, and watched as the nurse brought in the oddest looking machine I'd ever seen. I must of swung my arm or something because Dr. Curbow moved back a little after trying to draw the robe up.
" Now now, this won't hurt a bit. It's a sonogram." He pulled it back up to my breasts and the nurse came around with a blanket that had been warmed up. I soaked up that heat and it helped stop the fine shivering I didn't notice until then. The doc smeared some goo on my belly and brought out some weird kind of wand device. I pulled my phone out and started recording. There it was.. a baby, about the size of a blueberry. A small lump of flesh growing in my womb. Hot tears rolled out of my eyes as he turned a switch to listen to the fast little heartbeat. I had to swallow hard and try not to start going into shock as the doctor started talking again
" You're roughly 7 weeks along. Very healthy heartbeat. Very strong. I'd say your due date is early December around the 6th. Now we'll need to see you about once a month to track your progress and prescribe you some vitamins. You'll need to change your diet a bit adding more calcium. But not to worry you'll get a packet to go over with a suggested reading list."
I couldn't tear my eyes from the screen and I stopped listening. I'd even stopped the recording letting my phone drop to the blanket. He was printing out a few clear shots. He blocked my view and I blinked, wiping my eyes.
" Sorry, what did you say?"
" I asked if you had any questions so far." I just shook my head. The fear was still there in my stomach, but it had lessened now. The dread was still there, but something else was taking it place. It bubbled up out of me in a snicker that grew to a chuckle. I laughed and happily so while fresh tears came to my eyes. The doctor and the nurse looked to each other then to me but when I looked at them I laughed harder.
" Are you alright? If you did choose not to have the baby we could include some... options." His voice gained a touch disapproving and I shook my head. I took the pictures that were handed to me and looked to them with a sigh.
" No.. no I'm fine, better than fine. This is good news." I didn't lie completely. Deep down inside I was happy. Ironic as it was, there was a sense of relief in me. I'd inherited my mother's curse, but this baby wouldn't. This baby's father had given me the strength to break that curse. All my life I'd been close to the dead. Seeing them, hearing them, controlling them. Now I faced life, a new life, a life that would grow in me and become a separate person. For now that idea was too big for me to grasp. But I was happy. The rest of the visit seemed to just be a blur like I was floating. I got my prescription, my info packet, got to the van, and headed to the pharmacy. While it was filled, I walked through the isles of toys and baby products. Thank Gaia for my nest egg was all I could think when I saw all the things a kid could need. The realization that I was going to be a mother, that my life was going to be forever, and irrevocably changed hit me. A chill went through me. I picked up my vitamins and listened to the pharmacist who smiled at me, giving me congratulations. Then I went to the van and my knees felt weak. With shaking hands, I called my mom after I closed the door. She picked up on the first ring like she'd been waiting with baited breath.
" Mom? I.. uhh.. I'm pregnant. Almost 2 months pregnant. As far as I can figure that put our conception date on our honey moon.... in the umbra.." My mouth was so dry as I spoke. I could hear her hrmming to herself, considering the information. She was theurge after all and it was her that taught me to be curious of the mysteries surrounding us.
" I wouldn't worry about the baby's health then. Conception in the umbra is a significant event whether you have a kinfolk or a Garou, Raine. There could be... spiritual repercussions but don't even start to think it's bad. This is a lucky event. VERY lucky. And I'm sooo happy for you,sweety! Here talk to your dad. He's going to explode when he hears this." She didn't even let me say a word but I was starting to feel better. I could just imagine her silver streaked blonde braids swinging, her blue-grey eyes sparkling and I could hear her running to the door to call for my adopted dad. I could imagine him trotting over, almost hear his heavy footsteps. He was wide, thick, a moving wall, but agile. His dark beard was turning white when I saw him. The sides of his head were turning silver. A stark contrast to his black black hair. His deep voice was instantly soothing. He was my daddy after all and always treated me like his daughter. He loved me beyond measure and I felt like a child right now. I wanted my mommy and daddy to tell me things were going to be ok. I could almost see his black eyes snapping with the happiness I heard in his voice.
" Heeeey baby Rai, we're not doing the song until a few more hours. What's up, honey?" His deep voice rumbled over the phone and I couldn't help the smile.
" Well.. dad? I. uhm. Have a birthday present for you. How does Grandpa Fred sound to you?" There was silence on the phone. I think he forgot to breathe.
" Dad? You ok?" He took a breath and true to my mom's words he exploded. He whooped and I swear he was jumping up and down. I had to pull the phone away from my ear and could still hear him practically howling with excitement. When he was done there was a choking sort of sound to his voice.
" Really Rai? Really? My baby girl is going to be a momma? OH sweetness, that's wonderful! You tell Drake yet? How far along are you? Do you need us to come out there? I'll build you a crib. I insist!" I had to chuckle but my own throat was tight and I sniffled.
" I just found out, dad. I'm headed home to tell Drake. And yes, by all means please make me a crib. We'll be fine really. The doctor said I'm due around December 6th. But calm down, dad. We have a lot of time yet. I'm only about 7 weeks or so. Let me tell Drake and I'll send you the video of the baby's heartbeat ok? Show mom how to use email please. Sometimes I think she still believes that computer I sent you guys has evil spirits in it." We both chuckled and I sank into the seat a bit. Dad had a way of easing someone's nerves with idle chitchat about this and that. He talked about the new lupus that had shown up, how he had taken up sculpting with a chain saw, and how big of a fit mom threw when she found out he'd nearly taken his leg off the first time he tried. Of course he'd just shredded his pants. We all got together and sang him happy birthday. Some day we'd figure out how to use the video calling. By the time we'd hung up, I was accepting my new fate. I put my seatbelt on and started the van feeling braver and ready to tell Drake.
By the time I got home, it was dark. My courage started to fail me as I walked up to the door. I rubbed my face and took a breath as I went in. Nope, not in the living room. Not in the bedroom. I walked quietly down the hall to the steps that led to our basement. I opened the door and there he was. He had his headphones on, working, his laptop open, and my breath caught in my throat. That always happened when I saw him. The day I stopped reacting when he walked into the room was the day I was 3 days dead. I rubbed my palms against my jeans, ignoring how sticky I still felt from the goo they used for the sonogram. I sat on the arm of the couch that was near his desk as he noticed me in his peripheral vision. A smile was on his lips as he gave me the one moment gesture. He then took off his headset and shut things down on his computer to give me his full attention. Those jewel like emerald eyes held me, and I could feel my heart beat harder with just how simply happy he was to see me. My mouth went dry but he spoke first while I got my pulse under control.
"Hey there.. you're early... ish." I couldn't help but grin a little at the smile then looks off to his computer. I couldn't hold his gaze.
" I.. err.. took the rest of the day off. " I could feel my brows knit and bit my lips while I was trying to figure out how to say something delicately. But delicate? Me? I'm as subtle as a freight train.
"Is... everything alright?" He looked at me with a concerned raised eyebrow, getting up to walk closer. I rubbed my neck with one hand while the other pulled out my phone. I watched him move with that automatic grace and it made my heart start up again.
"I... Uhm.. got some good news and bad news." Did I mention how subtle I am? Because as soon as I started talking I tried to break it gently, almost jokingly.
" The bad news is I'm not going to be able to celebrate with you on this year's Daze. Beeeecause of the good news" I was hoping, praying he'd find it good news too. Old habits die hard with Garou just like they do with anyone else. He turned his head slightly and his whole body language changed when he heard my words. He was completely and utterly suspicious as hell like I would open up some new nightmare to swallow him. I did the only thing I could do, I played the video for him of the sonogram. The beating heart still made my eyes burn. He froze as the video played showing the baby. I swear I saw him jump then that eyebrow froze when he heard the fast little heartbeat.
"What?" Is all he could manage to say as he looked to me for an explanation. I bit my lip and could still feel that crease in my brow. My hands didn't shake at least when I put my phone down.
" I know! I didn't believe it. I thought it was just.. the healing resetting my system... But I went to the doctor's today. And.... that's our baby, Drake. I'm about 7 weeks now." Drake didn't blink. His expression didn't change. I know I made sense. I know he understood me. I waited for some reaction and got nothing. Though I could see the blood start to drain from his face as he made his way to the back of the couch and lean against it. I turned with a sigh and put my phone away. He brought his hand slowly to his face as I rubbed his back.
" Breathe.. just breathe" is all I could think to say, trying to be soothing.
"No.. this...how..." He shook his head slightly.. he started to breathe weirdly. "Oh.. fuck..."
"Far as I can figure.. The umbra
" I said and kept rubbing a bit harder in circles along his back.
"What umbra has to...oh..." He looked at me for a few seconds then closed his eyes taking a deep breath but that didn't help at all. "I need to.....couch." He said then moved unsurely to sit down. I offered a hand at his elbow to guide him to sit down on the couch and sat with him. I swear I thought he was going to faint. I could only imagine his thought process. This wasn't his first child, but that moment, seeing him react, seeing him face fear like I did, I swore it wouldn't happen like last time.
"Sit.. put your head between your knees" I offered to him but that was a bad idea.
"I'm not.. oh.. god damn it Raine.." He said said as the grumpiness was rising in his voice. He slid both his hands over his face for a moment then looked at me. "That's why you healed?"
I shook my head." No.. I actually had no idea yet at that time. But I'm glad I did." sighed and ran my hands over my face too. The fear was coming back, the uncertainty of the situation. I tried to think, lacing my fingers together, placing them against my lips. My leg started bouncing very quickly. What was I going to do? I could feel my shoulders tighten and chest started to ache. I said nothing more. Drake even kept quiet for a moment, looking at nowhere as he too was lost in though. Until my leg started bouncing. He's always been sensitive to my moods. I heard him exhale but I didn't move. He smirked, then slithered that warm hand of his over my leg to calm it down.
That got my attention and I looked to his face. I felt better seeing that familiar smirk. I put my hand on his, swallowed past the lump in my throat, and said what I felt "Its.. gunna be ok, babe"
"Yeah..... it will.." He let out a heavy sigh like letting something go. Then he did something amazing, something that melted away all my doubt... He smiled. "Come here.." He said then pulled me close into an embrace. I wanted much more than a hug. I wanted to wrap him around me so I invaded his lap and twisted enough to wrap my arms around him. A few seconds passed and my grip got tighter. So did his as if we'd pull one into the other, holding each other hard enough that our heartbeats could be felt beating against each other. I could of stayed like that forever, nuzzling into his neck while he rested his chin on my shoulder. That was until he let out a soft yet unsure chuckle.
"What's so funny?" I asked while nuzzling against him again and patiently waiting for his answer. I didn't think he would. When he did speak it was low, soft, and close to my ear.
" I have no idea" That almost made me chuckle. Thinking of that day he took me to the Cyber Realm, showing me wonders that I'd never dreamt of in my life still resonated in me. We were like a normal couple there. As odd as it sounds to some. I was like a little kid oohing and ahhing at ever new discovery I made. I called it our honeymoon because he got me a teddy bear and another present. We got to climb buildings, ride a hoverbike that went faster than I'd ever traveled. He was smiling nearly the whole trip and it made me think that's how he must of been before the world sucked the happy out of him. We were both so happy there. We played with each other, teased and flirted with each other like newlyweds, then loved each other with a passion I'd never known we could contain. Just thinking about it with him so close made me want him all over again.
" Still.. best day ever?" I asked him with hopes that he'd agree. I couldn't see him close his eyes but I did feel him pull me away and loosened my grip. I leaned back in his lap enough to look at him. I looked to Drake and saw in him that younger, reckless man he used to be. I saw how careful he was being right that moment.
" You still believe so?" came his question and I nodded without even having to think about it. It was better than the glass gardens he took me to for a date. It was better than sitting under the boardwalk eating burgers and watching the tides. He showed me a piece of his world, where he grew up, and let me into his life a bit more. Those memories were more precious than any item I could hold in my hand.
"Ok then" He said softly and his lips curled in that smirk but I saw the pain in his eyes a brief second before he closed them and leaned his forehead against him. It made a stabbing pain shoot through my chest. He wasn't the only one that could pick up on moods. I removed my hands to hold his head while we shared the same breath. My thumbs rubbed the beard on his cheeks, going over the scar on one side. I wanted to chase away all that pain while I kissed his forehead and whispered." Talk to me?" I put my forehead back against his and saw him smirk but his eyes stayed closed.
" What can I say? We gunna be.." and he stopped to laugh nervously. He couldn't finish it so I finished it for him.
" The P word" A sigh came from my lips, puffing my cheeks out as not only the relief washed over me, but the realization that the enormity of the situation must be hitting him hard too.
" Fuuuuck me running backwards naked through a cornfield on a treadmill with a pogo stick in the rain. Good Gaia.." was all I could say. Normally he responds with some smart assed comment to my creative curses. He just opened his eyes and looked away. I let go of his face, folding my hands in my lap, and sat back a bit feeling a bit like I was invading some of his personal space.
"You need a few moments to process this?" I asked him softly but I knew the answer. I'd gotten my comfort, my reassurance, but something made me think I made his life a lot harder right then.
"I don't.. exactly.." He took a breath still not even looking to me. "Yeah.."
I did the only thing I could do. I kissed his cheek, putting mine against his to feel that familiar scruff then slid off his lap. I headed upstairs to our room to shower. I was all sorts of uncomfy and wanted a shower. I left the bedroom door open so he knew where I was,could hear the shower, and see my pajamas on the bed. I sat down at the bottom of the tub while the water ran over me. I wanted it hot to beat back the cold fear again. I hugged my knees and stayed there for a long time before I cleaned up and washed my hair. I felt sick. I always did when I tried to make things better but ended up making things worse. Was it worse? Probably not. He just needs to absorb the implications. It's just hormones, it's been a shocking kind of day. I got out of the shower to dry off, pink, clean, and got dressed quickly to hold onto that warmth. The house was quiet but for the dripping of the eaves since it was sort of raining outside. I looked around and confirmed what I already knew. He was gone. I left the door unlocked, grabbed the quilt we had over the back of the couch, put in Inuyasha and laid down on the couch to wait. My limbs, my mind, my everything was numb with tiredness. I just knew I wouldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep until he got home.
My patience was rewarded eventually. Drake was gone for a couple of hours. When he did get back, he did it quietly, carefully closing the door behind him, but it's not like he was sneaky or something. He was a bit wet from the light rain outside, his hair a bit of a mess. I paused the series and sat up to scoot and sit back. Looking to him, seeing him so wet, I opened up the blanket with my arm to offer him a place to sit and share the warmth. Drake sighed and stepped on his shoes to leave them by the door, before moving to me.I found it odd that he lowered his head a bit before gently sitting on the offered spot.
I didn't ask nor would I. He would seek what comfort he could from me and obviously had other sources. I wasn't afraid of him being unfaithful, I just accepted that fact that I wasn't his entire everything and had grown used to it. Sometimes, the best way to clear your head is with a long run. I pulled my feet around when he sat so I could drape the blanket around him too. I kept silent while I scooted over to him. He blinked the moment the blanket was wrapped around him like his head was somewhere else. But then smiled slightly, and wrapped his arm around me as soon as I was close enough. At least his breathing had calmed down now. Whatever he was doing outside it seem to helped.
"We'll need one more room..." He said finally, even if it was almost a whisper.
I grinned back up at him carefully then chuckled almost too softly as if I didn't want to break that spell of peace he'd found.
" Yeah.. we've got time though."
"I know.." He smirked "Are you ok?"
" Just been tired more easily. Sleeping more. Oddly, no morning sickness. But I'm scared."I nodded I as replied, still so careful.
"Sorry.." He tightened his embrace around me. "But it will be ok.. I'll be here with you.."
By those words alone a weight was lifted from me that I had no idea I carried. I reached my arm around him and gave him a squeeze.
" Don't be sorry, just.. don't go away please. It's not the end of the world, just.. a lot of changes I guess. "
"Raine.." He turned his head a bit and down to look back back at me. "I would never do that, I would never let you alone in this.." He moved his hand to cup my cheek, rub it with his thumb. "You must know this. I just... needed.. a run." He looked away guilty but then back at me. "I'll make sure that everything will be just fine. Changes.. mean nothing." I watched him putting my hands over his and tried to explain a bit better
"I know this. I didn't mean like.. leaving me. I mean in your head. Don't go away in there. I'm ok with you needing a run, or sit on the roof, or whatever it is you need. WE will make sure everything is fine. WE will do this thing together. It took both of us to get here, so it's going to take us both to handle it. I gave up the idea for a long time and only recently thought it was possible to happen. Guess someone had a better idea that it should happen now."
He opened his mouth as to say something, but regretted it, he tried again and another failure. He let go of a breath and tried it again.
"I know you.. thought of this. I know you wanted.. deserve it, but I... Eh, it doesn't matter now."
He let the thought die but I was relentless. Every unspoken thought like that usually ended up festering I nudged him softly.
" Tell me please? Hiding things could just make it worse later on down the road."
"I.." He started to say then retrieved his hand from around me to look down, facing me.
"I've been ready for this once.. and then, things.. happen. They are still out there, and I can't.. I shouldn't be given this. I let it clean back then at the river... But now, well..."
I knew what he was trying to explain. He felt he wasn't deserving of any of this. That his sins made it so he wasn't allowed to have anything that he wanted. I understood he felt that once he had something that he loved, it would be ripped away. I let go as well and leaned my elbows on my knees to lace my fingers together. I stared at the floor still wrapped up in the blanket with him.
" Yeah.. I remember. Your hunt, your troubles. Its not like it was before. You've done nothing wrong. Drake, everyone deserves to be happy. As much as you don't believe it. I think this happened to show you that you deserve it too." I placed my hands to my forehead as if in prayer, as if swearing an an oath and tried to pour all of my conviction into my next words, willing him to understand, determined and every bit truthful.
" And I swear... if anyone tries to get in the way, tries to take it away from us, they'll pay for it. No one messes with my family. No one hurts them."
"Apparently you have the faith for both of us." He said in low voice I could feel him looking at me. He keeps forgetting I'm born and raised a Fenrir, I can out stubborn him. He knew that I could never lie to him. So he just flopped on the couch and exhales. After a longer moment he raised his hands to run them over his face, hissing when touching his damaged eye.
"At least Gaia did make us lucky."
I looked at him when he flopped back and turned to flop on him partially.
" Damn straight I have that faith. It's why you love me. Doesn't hurt to have you at my back or the other way around now does it? " I said while tucking myself under his arm." Besides, how much will you laugh when you make fun of me for waddling?"
"I.." He smirked and chuckled at that.
" OH you know you would. And laugh the whole time while I'm asking you to get some watermelon with sushi. Gaia I hope I don't crave something like pickles and chocolate ice cream.'"
"Well, maybe not the whole time as I will be the one running to the store in the middle of the night..."
I almost smiled at that thought while I scooted around to lay on my back, adjusting the blanket a bit. I pulled it away to look down and muttered about things like no wonder my clothes didn't fit. I too sighed before looking up at him. " Do.. you want a boy, or a girl?"
"I don't.. What you want?" He looked at me and he was still awkward with all this, that's for sure.
I rubbed my belly imagining what it would be like being big and thought quitely for a long moment as if trying to envision the future.
"A boy. Yeah.. a little boy. With your eyes, and my mean right hook" I had to chuckle afterwards.
"Then.. let's hope for a boy." He said while slithering his hand on mine and my belly. I gripped his fingers when he leaned over to nudge me with his nose. The moment I looked uphe stole a kiss. A grin stayed plastered there, an odd happy one.
"What?"He he asked as he saw my grin. I only grinned wider " I'm happy"
"Oh, Raine..." He smirked gently and hugs drew me up to hug even closer. "What I'm gonna do with you.."
I was making a murrring sound when he hugs me then started with kisses on what parts of his face that I can reach." Yoooou ... could love me?"
"Naaahhh.." He shrugged just slightly but then shifted a bit to face me better. He kept his hand on my belly.. rubbing it gently now. "I already love you."
I couldn't help that giggle. He said those words rarely and it made a tingle run down from my head to my toes leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.Or maybe it was how he rubbed my skin softly
" Then that's all I need. You cheered up a bit.. and that tickles."
"Too bad. you will have to endure it now." He tickled me just for a second there on purpose but then just shook his head a bit while a bit of his true smile started to form on his lips. I tried not to writhe and laugh too much during the tickets. So I pouted at him. "OH .. you pooor.. poor thing
" was all I said before I reached up quickly and mussed up his hair.
"What.. no.. noooo... noooope.." He pulled and leaned to avoid my hand.. or more fighting to get out of my reach. "That's mine. Mine thingy." He said mockingly.
That only egged me on as I giggles a new bubbled up. I pulled up his shirt and blew a raspberry against his chest and stomach.
"No, oh shit..gah!" He laughed at the raspberry then grabbed me firmly with both hands over my arms, to make me stop.He pulled me up to stare and me while I went up to my knees beside him on the couch.
"You are unbelievable, Raine. I'll never understand how you do it."
I grinned ear to ear on my face. I could feel it soften as I looked to him
" I don't know either. I just... do what feels right. And right now, the silly bug bit me. You can't believe how amazing it is to hear you laugh"
"Sure.. I won't believe it." He scoffed. His hands started to rub my arms gently as he tried pathetically to blow his messed up hair from his face. I steadied myself with a hand to his arm and started to finger comb those russet and brown locks of his. He was always wary about others touching his hair. But slowly over the past year he'd grown comfortable enough to let me.
" It's getting pretty long now. " I said while I took my place again in his lap and drew the quit around us like a cocoon. He was almost dry now.
"Mmmm... long?" He propped himself to get more comfy, wrapping his hands around me now that I was in his lap. I was incredibly comfortable facing him and twirling his hair around my finger with what I felt was the goofiest grin.
"Eh... Could shorten them..." He just looked at my fingers that played with his hair making a face. He never did like to make a fuss about his hair and I could only imagine how many women could of chased him around just to touch it.
" I like it long. Longer than mine"
"And.. now that's not fully right..." He raises his eyebrow.
That made me scoff at him so I decided to be a smart ass a little tease because we both knew how the other liked it. He was my first, and he knows my body better than I do. He'd been teasing and flirting with me so I picked up a few devious ways to return the favor.
" I .. could grow it longer. I used to have it much shorter. Gives you something to hold onto, right? " I let my voice drop low and sultry. He stared at me for that. But not in the way I was hoping. Sometimes I really have to try hard to win him over or sometimes it was nothing at all that got him going and our clothes would suddenly disappear. I sat up, back straight as a board and cross my arms, but an impish grin was there.
" Whaaat? I was pink and soft once. I had my hair down past my butt when I was little."
"Eh, that's too girly." And I could of sworn he almost wrinkled his nose. That made me chuckle.
" Yeah.. it was pretty girly. I would of given a vital body part for a canopy bed and ballerina wallpaper. Then I went to school"
"Thank god..." He said and looked up to me.
"Another reason for a boy..." He said and the teasing tone was back his chuckle easy and relaxed now. I sighed with a roll of my eyes and a smile.
" I know.. Right? I can handle frogs in the pockets, dirty skinned knees.. Boy or girl, our kid will grow up how they are meant to be. Smart and probably very sassy" That smirk that was all Drake was back. His chuckle brightened my life as I heard it again, a gentle one. His sigh was soft and the smirk turned to a half smile. He was happy.
" Our... kid." He said softly. I leaned over to kiss his forehead and agreed with him in a whisper. " Ours"